Part 5, Notes from “Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas

The thematic verse for chapters 7-8 is 2 Thess. 3:5: “May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.”  The theme is perseverance in marriage, even if it’s a bad marriage in which you struggle constantly, and feel like you’ve married the “wrong one.” Thomas notes that even in redemptive history, in the relationship between God and His people, there have been periods of great joy and celebration, frustration and anger, infidelity and apostasy, and “excruciating seasons of silence.” (105). But through it all, God did not turn His back on Israel; His “overall commitment remained concrete and steadfast” (106). Thomas’ words on the spiritual discipline of perseverance are worth the read. He notes that “we live in a nation of quitters.” (107). How true this is. Parenthetically, I’d say that we live in a nation of quitters, “victims,” whiners, and “entitlists” (I think I just made up a word here; I’m referring to so many in our culture who feel like the rest of the world owes them something just because they were born).

Thomas’ position on perseverance leads him to challenge those who leave their spouses to consider that the basic Christian discipline of perseverance leads one to self-denial. But again, I think cultural mandates and fads lead too many Christians astray. They buy into the cultural mores of so-called happiness, and the “me first” attitude. Of course, I firmly believe that this sort of thinking is ingrained in people when they are children, by parents with little or no biblical parenting skills, who model for their children that the child is the most important person in the world – but that’s another issue.

In chapter 8, Thomas goes into two very interesting examples of perseverance in marriage. One was Abraham Lincoln, who according to Thomas’ biography was married to perhaps the worst first lady ever. But Lincoln stuck it out, and it can be easily seen that God used that marriage to build character in a man who was larger than life, all the while, his marriage was terrible. The second was Anne Lindbergh, who was married to Charles Lindbergh. Same scenario. Her marriage and circumstances were less than desirable, but God used them to build character and to offer platforms for ministry that would otherwise have NOT been available. What about your marriage? Thomas says, “A difficult marriage does not pronounce a death sentence on a meaningful life. It presents several challenges, to be sure, but it also provides wonderful opportunities for spiritual growth . . .” (152).

Part 4, Notes from “Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas

Chapter five is interesting because it connects our prayer life and our general walk with the Lord with the health of our marriage. Thomas brings up 1 Peter 3:7. Thomas’ explanation is that prayer is essential to the Christian life, and a good relationship with your spouse is essential to effective prayer. Therefore, one's walk with God is affected by one’s relationship to their husband or wife. One of the comments that points in this direction is as follows: “If prayer is the essence of spirituality, and if a wrong attitude in marriage destroys that activity, it behooves men in particular to pay careful attention here.” (74). Thomas goes on to talk about the unity that should be found within a marriage. He gets into the issue of us becoming disillusioned with the notion that another human being can “complete us.” He writes, “No human being can love us the way we long to be loved; it is just not possible for another human to reach and alleviate the spiritual ache that God has placed in all of us,” (83) and, “Marriage does us a very great favor in exposing this truth, but it presents a corresponding danger – getting entangled in dissension. For the sake of prayer, it is essential that we live in unity. For the sake of unity, our passions and desires must be God-directed.” (83).

In chapter six, Thomas explains that marriage exposes our sin. Our spouses are like a mirror to us. They show us what is really in our own hearts. This seems crazy-headed at first blush. But he’s right. He quotes Gary & Betsy Ricucci, “One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, ‘Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like!’” Thomas suggests that our challenges and struggles in marriage should be viewed as a platform for growth. When your own sin is revealed, use it as an opportunity “to grow in the foundational Christian virtue of humility, leading you to confession and renouncement.” (97). He ends with these words, “The choice is ours. Sin is a reality in this fallen world. It’s how we respond to it that will determine whether our marriages become a casualty statistic or a crown of success.” (102).

Go here for video clips (click "download" tab at the top & proceed from there). We spend our money and time on things that fail to satisfy and we begin to wonder what life's ultimate purpose really is. We are, in short, losing our bearings as a people and a nation. Focus on the Family has launched The Truth Project which is a DVD-based curriculum designed to offer a look at life from a biblical perspective. Mt. Moriah Baptist Church, 3631 Hornsboro Rd., would like to invite high school juniors and seniors to attend this bi-weekly experience held at Mt. Moriah and facilitated by pastor Mel Winstead, Ph.D. Teens will learn answers to questions such as Who is man?, Who is God?, What is true?, What about ethics?, etc. The only requirements are an absolute commitment to attend each session, and an RSVP on this blog (by commenting or calling) or via email to the pastor by Saturday, March 24. The first session will begin Saturday, March 31 at 6PM (complimentary meal is provided). Pastor Mel’s email is www.melwinstead@shtc.net.

For my neighbors

Encouragement for my neighbors:

1.      I do encourage you as the Scriptures do, if you have an issue with someone, you go talk to that person about it.

2.      Don’t get bitter – it won’t be good for your health or your walk with God.

Prayer for you:

1.      For the parents – I pray God’s strength and peace (and wisdom) for you - see Psalm 29:11. God gives strength and peace to those who belong to Him.

2.      For the students – I pray that in the worst case scenario, you’ll be like Daniel and his friends and be faithful to Christ in the face of a crazy culture. Also see Esther 4:14.

      3.      For all of us involved – trust God: 2 Chronicles 16:9 “For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” And I’m sure you know Proverbs 3:5-6, but we might need to read it again.

4.      Remember the film “Facing the Giants”?: If we win, we praise Him; if we lose, we praise Him; Well, if the school closes, we praise Him; if it stays open, we praise Him. Either way, Christ deserves our praise and our trust. As the old hymn says so well: “He doeth all things well.”

Part 3, Notes from “Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas

Chapter Four is a very important chapter in this book since it talks about the topic of contempt. This is an entity that I think seeps into marriages after the “shine” wears off, and contempt has to be fought against. In the last section titled “Looking Out for Each Other,” Thomas gives a scenario from his own marriage: He had just returned from traveling for several days and was dog-tired, having spoken to large audiences six times in four days, and having driven through four states. He walks in the door back at home, only to have his wife think that since he was finally home, and since she had the kids all by yourself for these four days, it’s his turn to attend to and entertain the kids (tough situation, right?). Thomas comments, “This is the stuff that five-star marriage fights are made of. These are the situations that feel like they are specifically cooked up in hell.” (69). He popped some popcorn he had brought home for the kids and sat down at the kitchen table to eat and talk with the kids. Thomas says that what he discovered at this point was that his wife had matured. He was doing what he could to stay awake and engage the kids, yet he noticed that his wife was being “incredibly sensitive” to how tired he must’ve been. She offered to take care of the kids since he was exhausted! He says, “But hearing her say that made me WANT to take care of the kids. I realized that even though she had a valid reason to pass the night-time duties on to me, she was being hard on herself and easy on me; and that made ME want to be hard on myself and easy on HER.” (70). I’d like to throw in Philippians 2:3-4 for you on this issue. You can look it up for yourself. It’s a great marriage passage . . .

Part 2, Notes from “Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas

Thomas writes, “Marriage requires a radical commitment to love our spouses as they are, while longing for them to become what they are not yet.” He goes on to teach in chapter three that our love for our spouses, in part, reveals our love for God. He takes his cue for this comment from Jesus’ words that the two great commandments go together, and they are to love God with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself.  Here is a great quote I shared in a sermon a couple weeks ago: “That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others. On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell. God doesn’t have bad breath. God doesn’t reward kindness with evil. God doesn’t make berating comments. Loving God is easy, in this sense. But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.” (41-42).

Thomas goes on to suggest that God’s plan for me if I’m married is to make my wife happy. In other words, if I’m married, my primary ministry (or if I’m not in “ministry,” my primary job) is my spouse. Thomas states, “On a very practical level, a husband who plots how to make his wife laugh every now and then is serving God. A wife who plans an unforgettable sexual experience for her husband is serving God. A husband who makes sacrifices so his wife can get the recreational time she needs is loving God.” (43). Throughout chapter three are real-life marriage scenarios that have been worked through by his counselees, and they are worth reviewing. He finishes chapter three with these words, “But if you truly want to love God, look right now at the ring on your left hand, commit yourself to exploring anew what that ring represents, and love passionately, crazily, enduringly the fleshly person who put it there. It may just be the most spiritual things you can do.” (51).

In chapter four, Thomas talks about respecting your wife (or husband), learning to be thankful for their positives, and realize and deal with the evil in your own heart. Thomas says, “You will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the Fall. If you can’t respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, you will never be able to respect any spouse.” (69).

Read Phil Johnson post and listen to video

"Providence is Sweet"