Part 2, Notes from “Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas

Thomas writes, “Marriage requires a radical commitment to love our spouses as they are, while longing for them to become what they are not yet.” He goes on to teach in chapter three that our love for our spouses, in part, reveals our love for God. He takes his cue for this comment from Jesus’ words that the two great commandments go together, and they are to love God with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself.  Here is a great quote I shared in a sermon a couple weeks ago: “That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others. On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell. God doesn’t have bad breath. God doesn’t reward kindness with evil. God doesn’t make berating comments. Loving God is easy, in this sense. But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.” (41-42).

Thomas goes on to suggest that God’s plan for me if I’m married is to make my wife happy. In other words, if I’m married, my primary ministry (or if I’m not in “ministry,” my primary job) is my spouse. Thomas states, “On a very practical level, a husband who plots how to make his wife laugh every now and then is serving God. A wife who plans an unforgettable sexual experience for her husband is serving God. A husband who makes sacrifices so his wife can get the recreational time she needs is loving God.” (43). Throughout chapter three are real-life marriage scenarios that have been worked through by his counselees, and they are worth reviewing. He finishes chapter three with these words, “But if you truly want to love God, look right now at the ring on your left hand, commit yourself to exploring anew what that ring represents, and love passionately, crazily, enduringly the fleshly person who put it there. It may just be the most spiritual things you can do.” (51).

In chapter four, Thomas talks about respecting your wife (or husband), learning to be thankful for their positives, and realize and deal with the evil in your own heart. Thomas says, “You will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the Fall. If you can’t respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, you will never be able to respect any spouse.” (69).