Part 4, Notes from “Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas

Chapter five is interesting because it connects our prayer life and our general walk with the Lord with the health of our marriage. Thomas brings up 1 Peter 3:7. Thomas’ explanation is that prayer is essential to the Christian life, and a good relationship with your spouse is essential to effective prayer. Therefore, one's walk with God is affected by one’s relationship to their husband or wife. One of the comments that points in this direction is as follows: “If prayer is the essence of spirituality, and if a wrong attitude in marriage destroys that activity, it behooves men in particular to pay careful attention here.” (74). Thomas goes on to talk about the unity that should be found within a marriage. He gets into the issue of us becoming disillusioned with the notion that another human being can “complete us.” He writes, “No human being can love us the way we long to be loved; it is just not possible for another human to reach and alleviate the spiritual ache that God has placed in all of us,” (83) and, “Marriage does us a very great favor in exposing this truth, but it presents a corresponding danger – getting entangled in dissension. For the sake of prayer, it is essential that we live in unity. For the sake of unity, our passions and desires must be God-directed.” (83).

In chapter six, Thomas explains that marriage exposes our sin. Our spouses are like a mirror to us. They show us what is really in our own hearts. This seems crazy-headed at first blush. But he’s right. He quotes Gary & Betsy Ricucci, “One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, ‘Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like!’” Thomas suggests that our challenges and struggles in marriage should be viewed as a platform for growth. When your own sin is revealed, use it as an opportunity “to grow in the foundational Christian virtue of humility, leading you to confession and renouncement.” (97). He ends with these words, “The choice is ours. Sin is a reality in this fallen world. It’s how we respond to it that will determine whether our marriages become a casualty statistic or a crown of success.” (102).