Part 3, Notes from “Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas

Chapter Four is a very important chapter in this book since it talks about the topic of contempt. This is an entity that I think seeps into marriages after the “shine” wears off, and contempt has to be fought against. In the last section titled “Looking Out for Each Other,” Thomas gives a scenario from his own marriage: He had just returned from traveling for several days and was dog-tired, having spoken to large audiences six times in four days, and having driven through four states. He walks in the door back at home, only to have his wife think that since he was finally home, and since she had the kids all by yourself for these four days, it’s his turn to attend to and entertain the kids (tough situation, right?). Thomas comments, “This is the stuff that five-star marriage fights are made of. These are the situations that feel like they are specifically cooked up in hell.” (69). He popped some popcorn he had brought home for the kids and sat down at the kitchen table to eat and talk with the kids. Thomas says that what he discovered at this point was that his wife had matured. He was doing what he could to stay awake and engage the kids, yet he noticed that his wife was being “incredibly sensitive” to how tired he must’ve been. She offered to take care of the kids since he was exhausted! He says, “But hearing her say that made me WANT to take care of the kids. I realized that even though she had a valid reason to pass the night-time duties on to me, she was being hard on herself and easy on me; and that made ME want to be hard on myself and easy on HER.” (70). I’d like to throw in Philippians 2:3-4 for you on this issue. You can look it up for yourself. It’s a great marriage passage . . .